Hands on/Hands off

I love my son.

He's five months old, and I love watching him play, read, talk, wiggle about in his pack & play. I love to hold him before and after naptime, when he's extra snuggly. I love hanging out with him in the mornings and evenings. I love watching him jump in his Johnny Jump Up while K and I are making dinner. I love rolling on the floor with him and having him bump against me.


I'd say I'm pretty much a hands on type of dad. The thing that I'm having difficulty with, truth be told, is letting him grow in his independence--being a little hands off. This kid has an independent streak in him like you wouldn't believe. On the day he was born, he let us know after being held a bit, that he wanted to sleep in a corner of the hospital room and take some time to be alone. He plays well by himself and is not afraid to try new things.

Now that I'm staying home with him full time during the summer, my tendency is to make the most of every waking minute to be with him. I know that one of the best things I can do as his dad is to teach him to make his own decisions and let him be independent. And that can start now--having time to play together and time to play by himself.

But at five months, maybe the best thing I can do now is let him know I love him.

Hashtags

I know, right? Why on earth would someone title a "welcome back" sort of post "Hashtags"?

Because they've been a lifesaver to me through Twitter!

I had been tweeting for about a year and a half before my son was born this past January, but my tweets were more about food, since I love cooking and I'm always on the lookout for gluten free recipes since my wife is Celiac.  I've used #celiac and #glutenfree.

But on the day my son was born, I felt like I found a whole new community when I added the simple hashtag: #newdad. I felt like I had joined a brotherhood of new fathers, and in an instant, I understood so much more about my own dad, my grandfathers, uncles, and even my brother, who's been a dad three times over in the past five years (and he has one on the way).

Since the day my son was born, I've discovered other hashtags, like #dadstalking where I'm getting tips about what to expect in the upcoming stages of fatherhood. I've discovered #sahd (stay at home dad), since I'm at home with JJ during my summer vacation as a teacher and discovering that laundry and dishes, truly, never end.

The dads who post are not experts, but we're all sharing our own experiences about fatherhood. Primarily, we're looking for community, for shared experiences, for help, and sometimes it's just a way to vent our frustrations. With these hashtags abounding and Twitter always open now that I'm at home, I just don't want to hashtag my way through fatherhood. I definitely want to be present in my son's life. I want to enjoy this time with him and grow with him. I want to share my experiences with other new dads in Memphis. I want to love my son and just be the best dad I can be for him.

That's a great new hashtag I may use now: #bestdad.

You can follow me at twitter.com/profepj3.

Learning Parte Dos

I put JJ to bed every night after K feeds him and reads him a book. Over the past two weeks, JJ has discovered his fists and fingers and sucks on them before going to sleep. (Well, it's more like he licks them. He's only 8 weeks old; give him a break.) Some time during his first week, he decided he didn't want to be completely swaddled for nap time, so I left one of his arms out of the swaddle--the Caesar swaddle, as I call it, because it looks like he has on a little toga.

Now, this kid has been left side dominant since his first day: he generally looks to his left, rolls onto his left side, and has started sucking on his left fist. Last night I Casesar-swaddled him, but I left his right arm out, trying to get him to use both hands. He threw a fit for about 10 minutes and was completely unconsolable. So I unswaddled him, changed his diaper and Caesar-swaddled him with his left arm out.

He went right to sleep.

So, last night I learned that my son is probably going to be left-handed. And sometimes it's the simplest things that make a kid happy.

learning

I had my 30th birthday last week, and I have a 2 month old. I've been married almost 2 1/2 years. Though these are numbers that make someone seem more mature, I don't necessarily feel older.

Now that I'm a father, as I've said before, I feel like I have a license to learn more and discover the world as my son is discovering it. I feel like I have permission to ask questions. To figure things out. To make friends and try new things.

Scott Logie wrote in his recent post about making mistakes to get better as a parent. I'm learning more in my job and in my family. I'm learning about how to be a better father. I'm learning how to be a better husband, and I tell ya: I've never been more in love with my wife than I am now!

And that's one more thing I've learned: my capacity to love has grown exponentially. I catch glimpses of my wife holding our son, and my first instinct is to grab the camera, but sometimes I just stop myself. There are moments I just want for myself--memories to treasure that no one can take away from me.

I'm learning more to love more.

smiling

JJ smiled at me this morning. All week he has been fussy, and K took him to the doctor for possible reflux. JJ was prescribed some medicine, and he's been better over the past three days. After K fed him in the living room this morning, I passed them in going from the kitchen to the laundry room. K said that JJ tracked me and smiled.

I'm so amazed at how he's developing and how he's growing. I love him so much, and I'm reminded of how God loves me, his child.

JJ's lying down now, and I'm making breakfast. He's just talking, and I'm smiling.

I'm a better man

I'm a better man since I became a father. I've become a better husband. I've become a better teacher. I've become more responsible and keenly more aware of how my actions affect others. I've also become more aware of my need to have older and wiser men in my life, including my father, who can show me things along the way and to let me know that things will be OK in the long run.

When I was a kid, I thought my dad knew everything. I still think he's a pretty knowledgeable guy. But now that I'm a dad myself, I catch myself guessing how my dad might have done things 30 years ago and realizing that he didn't have all the answers. He just did the best he could for the good of his family.

The biggest thing that I'm learning as a new dad is to learn new things. Ask questions. Discover. Admit I don't know. Live life. Be proactive.

Relish in bedtime routines.

It's official!

We ordered our Soft Bums last week, and they arrived yesterday! Kelly got the organic bamboo set, so JJ is pooping in velvety organic style! Kelly wanted to make sure we had the shells and inserts washed and dried and ready to go last night, so this morning we put one on JJ after his bath. (Kelly's going to a mom's reunion for her prenatal pilates class, so she wanted him smelling sweet and clean.)

We decided we liked the Soft Bums so much, we just wanted to stick with them, particularly since they're one size, and we can fine tune the size adjustment. The drawstring and velcro make it really easy! And, from a dad's perspective, they go on much like a disposable, so that's easy enough.

My mom in visiting for a few days, and already she's sent us out on two dates! It's great to have a babysitter for JJ, but even better to reconnect with Kelly as husband and wife. It's so easy to get caught up in the reality of being parents, especially with a newborn, that we forget who we are as a couple. We went to Outback in Midtown Memphis last night and got our favorites--including the seared ahi tuna and chocolate thunder plus wine! It was definitely a celebration!

So, this is our third weekend as a family of three, and we're enjoying it. This week, I started a new job teaching at a high school, and it's been great to have time in the afternoons and evenings with JJ and Kelly. What a blessing!

(Grand)Papi

I'm named for my father, and there are a lot of good things I learned from my father that I'm remembering more and more now that I'm two weeks into fatherhood. During Kelly's pregnancy, I kept thinking about what my dad might have been doing 30 years earlier in preparation for my arrival. What was he thinking? How did he research baby products? How did he support his wife in her pregnancy after he got home from work?

Now that I'm two weeks into fatherhood, I still think about how he did things 30 years earlier and somehow picture myself in his shoes as I'm a new father. Before JJ was born, I asked my parents to send me pictures of them when my mom was pregnant with me. The thing that stuck out the most to me is that I'm older now than my dad was when he was expecting me. But as I'm establishing routines in my family, I see his influences in my fathering. For example, we listen to NPR every weekend, particularly for the quiz shows and A Prairie Home Companion.


I'm different from my father in some ways, and my family isn't exactly like his; it doesn't have to be. One thing I appreciate more than anything is his advice and his listening ear. He does a great job at listening to what I have to say as an individual and offering advice as prompted by the Holy Spirit. I'm taking notes for when JJ gets older.

Thanks, Papi.

Sgt. Jennemann, U.S. Army, 1980